


Before Letting You In

by JaneDoe112255



Series: Let Me In [1]
Category: Marianas Trench
Genre: Age Play, Bathing/Washing, Cute, Diapers, Gen, Insecurity, Josh is little all alone, Loneliness, Non-Sexual Age Play, Pacifier - Freeform, Playing, Sleep, Teddy Bears, Thumb-sucking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 05:21:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17595338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneDoe112255/pseuds/JaneDoe112255
Summary: This is pre Let Me In pre Branden.A look at play time with Little!Josh before he got a caregiver





	Before Letting You In

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure why I wrote this... you can't tame me.

Josh felt so little to the point that he had no idea what to do. He was with his friends at the studio, and he slipped into his little space for no reason. Sure, he had not been able to be a baby for a while, but big Josh should be able to control this side of him more. The baby whimpered, he should not be here at all. Josh only ever allowed himself to indulge in this side of himself when he was alone. The baby did not know what to do; no one was supposed to see him little. Everyone would think it was freaky. Josh whined again. He did not want to be here anymore. Josh wanted to go to his room. The baby just wanted to be a baby right now, so he needed to get to his room. Please.

"Ramsay," the baby heard Ian said to him in a soft tone that the older man only used when he was concerned about Josh. The man usually found that habit that all of his friends had very annoying. He was not a baby, and even when he was, he could take care of himself. Right now, however, the baby drew comfort from the tone of the word and looked over at the older man and squirmed, trying to still look like a big boy even though he was the exact opposite.

"You sound like a hurt puppy," Ian told him coming over to the baby and sitting down next to Josh on the couch, "what's wrong, Dude."

Josh tensed up slightly, not knowing what to tell Ian. It was not like Josh could say to the man that he felt like he mentally regressed over a decade younger than he was. No! No way that was going to happen. But what could he say that would not sound weird to the man and the other two men that were now looking at him. 

Josh said the first lie that came to his infantile mind, "I don' feel good."

Josh heard Matt let out a frustrated groan and say, "not good timing, Ramsay," but the younger man was also concerned. Josh was not the type of person to admit that he did not feel right. The last time he did that the guy had kidney stones and was projectile vomiting from pain and cried into Matt's chest for a good hour while the doctors were trying to figure out what was wrong with him. Josh hated doctors too much to admit when he was sick because he was afraid that a friend or family member would force him to go to the doctors.

"I'm sorry," Josh said doing his best to control the way that he was saying the words. The baby held his head in his hands to hide his tears. The baby could not cry in front of his friends. He could not. He had to try and be a big boy because he could not let anyone find out that he regressed because his friends would not like it. And then they would not like him anymore. The baby did not want his friends not to like him anymore. The baby wanted his friends to keep being his friends he loved them, so he needed to get away and into his room so that the baby could indulge in being little until he could be a big boy again, then he could work on 'Fix Me' and go to work the next day. 

"It's okay, man," Mike said, not used to hearing the younger man apologize in a way that sounded so sincere. Mike felt the younger man's forehead. It was not hot, but that did not mean that Josh could not be sick. Ever since Mike had met the younger man, he got majorly ill at least once or twice every single year. Whether it be the kidney stones or pneumonia that landed him in the hospital or the flu that left Josh bedridden for a little over a week, the man always got sick. Josh had yet to get sick this year, and it was the nearing the end of the year, and Mike was waiting. About a month after meeting the kid in 2003, Josh was coughing almost nonstop to the point that it started to sound painful. Matt had tried to annoy the boy into going to the doctor by saying over and over again "Josh you need to go to the doctors. Josh, you are sick, you need to go to the doctor. Josh, if you do not go to the doctor, I will call your mother. Josh, I will pretend to be your father if you don't go to the doctors. Josh go to the doctors, I am begging you." In the end, Josh coughed so hard that he threw up and Matt called his mom into his room that all the guys were hanging out, and they all took him to the ER and called his mother so that she could meet them at the hospital. Josh had pneumonia that more than likely started as bronchitis, and if he had gone to the doctors earlier as Matt said, it would not have gotten so bad. He had to be admitted into the hospital as he was having trouble breathing and Matt had said 'I told you so.' Josh had flipped him off and held his teddy bear close to his chest to go to sleep.

"Your not warm, dude," Mike told him, with concern still in his tone. Josh leaned into his touch, but that was not too weird, the younger man loved touches when he was sick. And when he was not ill.

"I still don' feel good, Mike" Josh lied again, backing away from Mike's touch. The baby felt terrible for lying to his friends, that was bad, and the baby should not do it. The baby knew that he was being a bad boy. But Josh did not know what he could do. The baby had to get away from his friends so that they did not know that he regressed.

When Matt suggested that they cut the day a couple of hours early Josh could not help but sigh in relief. 

...

As soon as the guys got home, the baby ran to his room and closed the door, locking it so that he could have a little bit of a warning if Matt, Mike, or Ian wanted to come into the room. Josh sighed in relief. He was finally alone, and he could be little. With that knowledge, Josh slipped into his small space even more until he felt around two, his normal little space age. 

The baby went into his closet and pulled out a plain blue, cotton sleeper and a thick diaper so that he did not have to worry about going potty. His big boy clothes were starting to become uncomfortable, and Josh debated for a second in his head if he should talk a bath or not.

On the one hand, he just wanted to be comfy and play with his toys and go night-night when he was ready. On the other hand, the baby would feel much better if he took a bath and it would make going night-night easier in a few hours. Plus he would be able to play with his bath toys. The baby loved playing with his bath toys. 

Josh walked into his bathroom that was connected to his room and started to run the bath water. While the bathtub was filling up, he ducked down so that could pull out some of his bath toys, red and blue rubber duckies and an Elmo bath toy that he could fill up this water and spray at the wall. Josh smiled, he liked to spray the wall because then it would spray him back. It was funny. 

The baby turned off the water and threw the bath toys, making them splash, the baby giggled. Josh stripped and put his dirty clothes in his hamper that Matt forced him to get a few months ago because he does not like that Josh would throw him clothes all over his bathroom and bedroom. Josh was still getting used to using it.

Josh carefully stepped into the bath, making sure to be careful because he did not want to trip and fall and hurt himself. The baby tended to be more clumsy when he was in little space than when he was in his big space and Josh had gotten hurt in little space more than once. The baby did not want to get an owwie. Josh pouted at the thought of getting an owwie. He did want an owwie.

Josh sat down and hummed as the warm water that engulfed him. The baby put one thumb in his mouth and splashed the top of the water and giggled. The baby reached for his blue ducky and dunked it under the water and laughed once again as it popped back up and said, "peek-a-boo, Ducky," smiling past his thumb. 

Josh dunked his ducky again and giggled a little bit louder. The baby then had to remind himself that he had to try and be a little bit quieter because he could not let the guys hear him. Even though all the baby wanted to do was giggle and squeal and slash like a baby. Josh tried not to think about how unfair that was as he grabbed a cup so that he could wet down his hair. He did not want to wash to with shampoo because he had recently dyed his hair blue and Josh did not want to dye it again for a while, plus his hair gets super dry if he washes it every day. But Josh did not like taking a bath and not getting his hair wet because it made him feel like he did not even have a shower when he did not wet down his hair.

Josh grabbed his plan red loofah and poured some of his baby soap onto it. He was running out of it, and he was going to need to get some somehow. It was not really a matter of getting to the store. They had a store less than a couple of blocks from their house. He could walk there or go with one of the guys when they went. The problem was hiding the soap. It was always a challenge to sneak his baby stuff around his bandmates. The baby was not good at being sneaky, though he could get away with it more when he was big. It was also the reason that he only had a plain loofah and not a cute one. The baby really, really wanted an Elmo loofah and was determined to get one when he went to the store next time. 

The baby started washing his face and then washed his whole body like a big boy. Josh played with his bath toys for a little while longer until the water began to turn cold. Then, came his least favorite part of the bath getting out and getting dressed like a big boy.

Josh whimpered, he hated this. It was not fair! He hardly ever got to be a baby! It was not fair that he had to come out of his headspace just to get dressed. The baby wished that he had someone that could take care of him like he was a real baby boy. Josh's lower lip trembled, he just wanted to be a baby. It was not fair.

The baby shook his head, trying to get all of the sad things out of his head. Josh did not want to be unhappy in his little space. Josh should be happy in his little space. He just needed to get out of the tub and get dressed as soon as possible. Then, he would be able to regress back down again.

After the baby was done putting a diaper on himself and dressing himself. Josh then bounced into his room and crouched down so that he could retrieve some of his toys and a pacifier and a sippy cup from under his bed. He could not get too much of his little stuff out because his friend could want him to do something and he would have to hide all of it again, but he was able to store all of his favorite little gear and toys in a box that went under his bed. No one should ever look under his bed, so everything should be okay. 

Opening the box, Josh pulled out one of his pacifiers and popped it into his mouth. The baby hummed and suckled on it. Josh did not know what it was about a pacifier or his thumb, but nothing else could calm him down as much as one of them, and they helped him regress and stay regressed. The baby pulled out his blocks and a few of his cars out if the box even though all the baby wanted to do was get out all of the toys that he had and play with them, but it was too risky when his friends were home. 

Before Josh started playing, he took his sippy cup and filled it up with water from the bathroom sink. He would much rather have juice, but Josh was not planning on regressing that day and did not plan ahead and get juice.

He arranged four cylinder blocks in a line as a base for the bridge that he wanted to build. The baby hoped that one day he would have enough blocks to create a whole city, but right now he did not so he could only make one thing and break it down before he could make other structure. Josh shook his head because he did not want to start thinking about the amount of money that it would cost him. The baby should not think about that. Money was a big boy Josh's problem, not the baby's problem. 

The baby focused back into his bridge and carefully laid three long and thin rectangular pieces down so that they were on top of the cylindrical blocks and took two more of the rectangular pieces and put them up against the structure that he had so that his cars could drive down it. The baby did not use as many blocks as he thought that he would, so he decided to make a house too. But who would live in the house, the baby wondered. Oh! He knew! Teddy could live in the house. Josh did not have much more blocks to build a home big enough so that Teddy could live in it, but it would be fine. The baby would just use his imagination. 

After he was done with Teddy's house, the baby put crawled over so that he could get Teddy from on top of his bed and put Teddy right next to it. Teddy was playing outside with his friends. Josh reached back into the box and pulled out two of his other stuffies. They were both small, but Josh loved them. One was a baby blue Elephant, and her name was Kiera. The other one was a lion that was a little bit bigger than Kiera (and Josh found that fact funny), and his name was Leon (unoriginal, he knows, but Leon for a lion was better than Teddy for a teddy bear). 

Josh drove one of light up cars that could talk over the bridge making a car noise with his mouth because he had the car turned off because the car could be loud and because Josh did not want his friends to hear it. 

Seemingly out of nowhere Teddy fell over. Josh rushed over to the fallen Teddy and picked him up like Teddy was a baby, "what w'ong, Teddy?" Josh asked his teddy bear out loud. Josh then held up Teddy's mouth to his ear. Josh gasped at what Teddy told him. He looked down at Leon and Kiera seriously and told them, "you guys needa go home. Teddy no feel good."

Josh put his other two stuffies back into the box so that he could get out his stethoscope. And yes, it was pink and had a heart shape for the part that goes over the heart and girly (as were the other things that came with the doctor set), but Josh did not care. It was the only doctor set that he could find in the store at the time and he was not going to complain about it. Plus, when he bought it, he was able to tell Matt that it was getting it for his niece and he was none the wiser. 

"K, Teddy," Josh said, "yets yisten to a heawt," Josh put the stethoscope over Teddy's heart and listened to it, "sound good, Teddy," Josh praised the stuffie, "you gotta good, stwong heawt." 

Josh then picked up the otoscope and said, "tay Teddy, yets check a' eaws," the baby held up the otoscope to one of the teddy bears' ears.

"Oh no, Teddy," the baby said, pouting past the pacifier in his mouth, "you eaw all wed," Josh remembered what the doctors always told him when he had an ear infection, "yets see da othew eaw."

Josh moved to the other ear and held the instrument up to the left ear, "dat eaw yook fine," Josh told the bear, "'tay, Teddy," Josh held the bear in his lap like he was trying to comfort the little bear, "you gotta eaw 'fect'n. But it gonna be tay. I'mma get ya' some med'cine, and ya feel all bettew."

Josh changed his voice so that Teddy could 'talk' and Teddy said, "naw, no want med'cine."

"Gotta take med'cine, Teddy," Josh told his bear in his normal voice like it was obvious (though it was something that Josh's friends and family said the same thing when he had to take medicine), "it be tay, med'cine make you feel bettew, pwomise."

Teddy nodded his head, and Josh filled in with medicine and put it to Teddy's mouth. Josh pushed the plunger so that Teddy could take the medication.

"Good boy, Teddy," Josh praised his Teddy, "now you gotta s'eep to feel bettew too."

Josh tucked Teddy in and yawned big. The baby looked over toward his alarm clock. It was already ten at night; it was time for the baby to go to sleep. The baby picked up his sippy cup and drank the rest of the water then put it on his bedside table. He would clean up everything in the morning, right now he was too tired to clean up.

The baby got under his comforter and tucked it in around himself, wishing that he had someone to tuck him in and read him a bedtime story or sing to him. Josh sighed and sucked on his pacifier a little harder than he was and held his Teddy tightly to his chest. The baby closed his eyes.

The baby fell asleep not even a few minutes later.

**Author's Note:**

> I need to stop working on other stories within this series, before I know it I will be at part 20 without finishing Ramifications. LOL.


End file.
